10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

  

 In her TED Talk 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation, journalist, author, and public speaker Celeste Headlee discusses how individuals can become better communicators and learn how to have more meaningful conversations with others in a world where we are more polarized than ever.

    As Headlee began listing her rules that would help one improve on their discussion skills, I found myself relating these rules to my everyday conversations and experiences. Headlee’s second ruleーdon’t give your opinion without expecting feedbackーespecially resonated with me, particularly because of the political climate we as Americans are in right now. In my experience, many people go into political discussions not expecting much backlash or feedback from those who oppose their views, and I myself, am guilty of this. This leads to arguments, more often than not, as Headlee predicted in her opening. Many people make the mistake of believing that free speech means “free from criticism”, which, in my opinion, makes these civil conversations progress into arguments so fast. 

    Headlee’s fourth ruleー to “go with the flow” and not focus on small bits of the conversationーmade me heavily reflect on my previous conversations and the ones I had after watching the talk. In the past I’ve tended to fixate on one particular part of a conversation that I want to comment on for several minutes before time allows for me to say my piece, and this rule made me realize how often I wasn’t fully listening to the person talking, but instead focusing on what I’m going to say. Now that I’ve had a few conversations since watching the talk, I find myself making a conscious effort to ignore the part of my brain that wants to focus on the single detail, and instead attempt to focus on what the person I’m talking to is saying entirely.

  

     However, Headlee’s eighth ruleー"stay out of the weeds”, or don’t focus on small details you can barely remember yourselfーprobably hit the closest to home for me. As someone who tends to get distracted while in conversation quite frequently regardless, trying to remember small details that ultimately don’t matter is normally the culprit of these distractions. I never thought about the fact that these details add little to nothing to the story I’m telling and the time I spent trying to recall them probably took away from the story itself. Now I feel as if I’m hyper aware of when I start to wander into the “weeds” and put myself back on track, which has led to fewer distractions on my part while talking to others.

 

   Headlee’s TED Talk and suggestions for having better conversations has already impacted me and my conversations for the better only days after watching it initially, and I personally encourage everyone to take a couple of minutes to listen to Headlee's words and reflect on where their own conversation skills could improve.